Self-reflection questions are questions you ask yourself to understand how you are, what you want and why you do what you do. They work best one at a time: pick a question that catches on something real, give it a few honest minutes, and write the answer down. A good question is specific, has no right answer, and makes you pause before replying.
This list is sorted two ways. First by area of life, so you can start where your attention already is. Then by time, because a question for a one-minute pause in a queue is different from a question for a long walk.
How to use this list
- Choose one question. Read until one makes you hesitate, and stop there.
- Answer it in writing, even a line. Thinking in your head tends to loop; writing tends to move.
- Ask it again a different way if the first answer came too easily. “What do I want?” and “What would I be disappointed not to have tried?” are the same question with different doors.
- Leave the rest for another day. The list will still be here.
Questions by area of life
Work and career
- What part of my work would I do even if nobody paid me for it?
- What am I good at that I do not use enough?
- Where am I busy, and where am I actually making progress?
- What would I like to be doing in this job a year from now, and what is one step toward it?
- Which part of my work am I proud of, and who knows about it?
- What would I stop doing if I could, and what stops me?
Love and relationships
- Who do I feel most like myself with?
- Which relationship takes more than it gives at the moment, and is that temporary?
- What do I find hard to ask for?
- How do I show care, and how do I like to receive it? Are those the same?
- Who have I not talked to in too long?
- What do the people close to me probably wish I knew?
Self and emotions
- How am I, really, beyond “fine” or “busy”?
- What drains me that I keep agreeing to?
- What do I do when I am stressed, and does it help?
- What did I believe about myself at twenty that I no longer believe?
- When did I last rest without feeling I had to earn it?
- Which compliment do I brush off, and why?
Decisions and change
- Which decision am I avoiding, and what would make it easier?
- What would I do if I knew I could change my mind later?
- Which of my opinions have I not checked in a while?
- What would the version of me I respect most do here?
- Which fear is doing the deciding?
- What has to be true for me to say yes?
Creativity and inspiration
- What do I make or fix when nobody asks me to?
- Which kind of problem do I enjoy solving?
- What would I make if it never had to be shown to anyone?
- What have I been curious about for years and never tried?
- Whose work do I admire, and what exactly do I admire in it?
- What would I attempt if I were allowed to be bad at it for a while?
These are the same five Life Areas Cosmia’s Align tab uses for its Tarot cards: Work & career, Love & relationships, Self & emotions, Decisions & change, and Creativity & inspiration.
Questions by how much time you have
One minute
For a queue, a lift, the kettle.
- What am I feeling right now, in one word?
- What is the next small thing I can do?
- What do I need in the next hour?
- What am I looking forward to?
Ten minutes
For a short walk, a coffee, the end of a workday.
- What went well this week, and what made that possible?
- What has been on my mind more than I have admitted?
- If this month had a title, what would it be?
- What am I doing out of habit that I would not choose again?
- Which conversation have I been putting off, and what would I say first?
An afternoon
For a long walk, a train journey, a quiet Sunday.
- What do I want the next year to be about?
- What do I value, and does the way I spend a week reflect it?
- When have I been happiest, and what did those times have in common?
- What would I regret not having tried?
- What would I do with a free year, and which part of it could I do this month?
Questions to ask more than once
Some questions give a different answer every time and are worth returning to. Three that many people keep:
- What am I avoiding? The answer changes, and noticing the change is useful in itself.
- What would make today good enough? A question that lowers the bar on days when it is too high.
- What do I want more of, and what do I want less of? Simple enough to ask weekly, and the answers add up.
Asking one of these at the start of each lunar cycle is a light way to keep them in rotation.
What makes a question work
A question that helps tends to have three things. It is specific: “What drained me this week?” beats “How am I doing?” It is open: it cannot be answered with yes or no. And it is honest: it points at something you have a reason to look away from. A question that feels slightly uncomfortable is often worth a second look.
A question that does not help is one that makes you feel judged. If a question turns into a list of what you have done wrong, rephrase it as “what would I like to do differently?” and see if it opens up.
Where this lives in Cosmia
Every day in Cosmia has one Reflect on question, chosen to fit that day’s theme rather than drawn from a generic list, and the Journal opens with it so you can answer in a line or a page. It is optional, nothing counts whether you answer or not, and tomorrow’s question will be a different one. For questions about a single day, see evening reflection questions; for a way to start writing at all, see how to start journaling.
